2001-03-07
"Oh My f-ing god", posted at 03:19:10
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com "Oh my fucking god" One of the keys to my teaching, I think, is that I'm nice. I'm just generally a nice person. I give kids the benefit of the doubt, I trust them, and I genuinely want them to succeed. Some teachers can get by being strict - in fact, some of my favorite teachers were my strictest - but my nature is easy-going and laid back. Mind you, my students don't learn any less, I just have a relaxed atmosphere in my classroom most of the time. Or at least I try to. I try to pick the battles that need to be fought, which does not include the petty stuff. Does it really affect me if Robbie is drinking a pop in the second row, or that Quashanda is wearing a bandana? Of course not. Why should I care? And I think the kids, for the most part, like me. They joke around with me, they laugh with me, and they even hug me. Or, as I said in the first draft of my education philosophy before I thought it was far too cheesy: "students will journey to epiphany with the teacher on path paved with open communication and genuine caring." Okay, so I was just trying to fit the word "epiphany" in there because it happens to be one of my favorite words. But it didn't work, so it got tossed. Back to the subject. After today, I'm still a little bit numb. This one surly girl who I've had problems with ever since she added my course in February was acting up yet again today. I had to ask her to put away her CD player, and she constantly talked through the whole hour. I asked her to stay a moment after class. I was going to give her the, "I need you to be quiet during instruction time so you and your fellow classmates can succeed speech". But instead of staying after class, she said "Oh my fucking god" and stormed out. I was aghast. I've known this girl has some real anger in her. I've seen glimpses of it, like when the librarian confronted her on something and she tossed a book to the ground. Her phone at home is disconnected. Her theft on the public bus of one of my favorite student's cd players led to the latter's transfer to a different school. I've been trying to get her to come around, despite her 12% in my class at this point. She's shown flashes of engagement and intelligence, never more than last week when my classroom was taken over by health educators. I thought perhaps she had turned a corner. Uh-uh. She was my first writeup of the year today. I already feel like she's the one who got away. I feel like it shouldn't have gone that far. I'm going to try to do everything I can to get her to succeed. She fits the definition to the T of an "at-risk student", and if I can't help this intelligent yet troubled student succeed, then I have no business being a teacher. Especially in an urban setting, which is where I still want to be.