Saturday, Aug. 14, 2004
Waiting tables on a friday night, posted at 12:50 a.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com Tonight at the restaurant was a pretty decent night, because we had a steady stream of people in all night. The restaurant is slow in the summers in general, but this summer has been the worst since its opening in 1995. The economy is bad and people just aren't going out to eat as much.I could tell tonight was good, though, because I stopped keeping track of the tips in my head. Most of this summer, I do things like see the $3 that someone left me and think to myself, "Cool. I have made $17 now." Tonight, though, I lost track, and that's good.
What isn't good is that we take turns taking tables, and both of my big tables - 5 people - were full of kids who didn't drink alcohol and thus my sales were low and thus my tips were low. In addition, only one table (two covers) out of 19 tipped 20%.
It pissed me off, big time. I was a charmer tonight, especially to my last table. This gay couple, along with their (also very gay) friend, came in. They're stereotypically gay in every way - they ask for wine spritzers, even. I've waited on them before, but not in many months. I remember them well, though, because the one old guy is a chronic complainer as well as a bit of a flirt. For example, last time I waited on them, I had the pepper mill in my hand, was grinding the pepper over one of the guys' plates, and this old man says to me, "It looks like you're talented at maneuvering long sticks." I was shocked, but decided just to find the sexual harassment to be amusing.
Tonight wasn't quite as raunchy, but the old guy still was a lecher. His two companions were very apologetic, and told me I'd be well taken care of at the end of the night. First, he complained about everything. His companions said he was voted the "Biggest Bitch" in NYC by the chefs there. I don't know if that's true, but he didn't find much to like. He hated the new menu. He asked me if I could ask the mandolin player to quit playing because he couldn't stand the racket. He wanted a steak and potatoes, with nothing fancy, and I ordered it for him. Again, I'm highly amused by the guy.
I took all his stuff all night - the complaints about the drink being too weak, the constant body contact whenever I reached over, the asking for no sauce at all on the steak and then making me get him a side of gravy - and was expecting a great tip after prostituting myself out like that. And, I know I did a good job. I overheard the old guy say, "I've got to think of something to complain about for the next time he comes." I was thanked by his partner for my patience many times. I was expecting not only a decent tip, but a lucrative tip. Did I get one? Nope. $20 on $137. From gay men! If gay men do not tip well, I don't know what this world is coming to.
I walked with $65, though, after tipping out the barista. That's a lot better than most shifts this summer. I've started using a credit card for the first time in many years this past week, and that hurts to do. I hate this fucking 10-month paycheck thing. I'm working at 8am tomorrow, so I better head to bed.
Tonight was good, though. I need to remind myself that waiting tables is fun. Tonight was fun, getting to talk to a bunch of people and staying busy. There haven't been enough nights like that this summer. That's why I'm seriously considering my buddy's offer for a job at Ryan's Daughter, which I think would be more lucrative and fast-paced. He says, "We need some real pros there." It scares me that I'm considered a pro waiter when I'm actually a teacher, but, I must say, in all immodesty, that I'm a pretty damn good waiter, because I genuinely do enjoy people and like the place I work. I'm going to see how this new manager works out.
***
Here's a quick little dining rule. If you want to take some food home, then ask for the server to bring the box to you. You don't want to know how little we care about getting the food from the plate into the carton. Scrape the plate and throw it in there, that's it. Very little care is taken. That's my tip for you. Besides the 20% thing. Have the server bring the box to you, don't have he/she box it up.