Sunday, Jul. 20, 2003
Snapped back to reality, posted at 1:17 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com The worst financial straits of my life are still in full swing, and the stress continues to mount. Eleanor came to visit this weekend, which was great and fun, but it's especially embarassing to have your friend come to visit you and have to buy you dinner and your movie ticket (especially, since, as she mentioned, I wasn't going to put out :)and fill up your gas tank just because you came down to pick her up at the airport. The last $10 to my name is drained, and I'm still not sure how I'm going to get home. I was so hungry on the way back from DC that I went into 7-11 and bought two hard-boiled eggs for 79 cents. I paid for it with 6 nickels, 3 dimes, and 19 pennies.I have a friend who runs a moving company, and he's mentioned that they can always use temp work - just to "show up" - so I'm following up on that. I don't know where to show up or how to go about it, but I've left a couple of messages for him to call me. Hopefully I'll be able to work on Monday and Tuesday and make enough money to cover tolls and gas on the ride home, then I can possible ask my parents for a little loan while I'm waiting for a couple of checks to come in. One is a deposit from Nextel that was supposed to be there when I returned from my trip - that's why I'm surprisingly so poor now, because that $300 was supposed to pull me through until the first week of August - but they screwed up and now I've got to wait another week or so for it, and the check will be less because they used it to cover my latest bill. In a way, it's probably a blessing - I can live without a lot of things, but it'd be pretty horrible to live without my cell phone, which is the only way I can contact people or be contacted. I've also been working for the school, writing curriculum, but that paycheck probably won't come in until mid to late August because I've been working at it at home, but my boss tells me I have to go in and sign in every day, and they were closed on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. I get to sign in for five days, for five hours, though, so I can sign in on Monday and Tuesday and then again when I return from Michigan.
Today, I drove Eleanor back to the airport and have not yet returned yet. My roommate who is screwing me over is probably home, and I don't want to be there, so I'm at the library, trying to kill time before I have to go there. I went into Trader Joe's, hoping they would have a food demo out. And they did, so I was able to scrounge a few bites of food. Luckily, it was this Powerbar type of thing, so I got some protein. My cupboards have food in them at home, so I should be able to survive without starving this summer. My gym membership doesn't expire until the 24th, so I was able to get a workout in. I'll probably go home and watch some TV, since my direcTV doesn't expire until Aug. 1.
I just wish I could go into a coma for two months, when I could awaken and have a paycheck coming in. I never would have imagined things being this bad. Things were fine when Eleanor was here, but now I'm left alone to my thoughts, and the gnawing pit in my stomach and the invisible hands around my throat have returned with a vengeance.
Because it's my nature, I keep trying to look at the bright side of the situation. Like, if I have to ration my food, I'll probably get that last nagging 15 pounds off. Or, without the Internet or TV, I'll probably accomplish my goal of reading ten books this summer, and get to do lots of writing. (I've already read five books this summer: The English Patient, Wuthering Heights, Yellow Raft on Blue Water, Farewell to Arms, and Romeo & Juliet. I'm well on my way through Into the Wild.) I'll be able to plan the first month of my school year better than I ever have before. Holden will get walked a lot. I'll probably go over to people's houses more since I can't watch TV at home. Stuff like that. I need something, that's for sure.