Sunday, May. 18, 2003
Head Over Feet, posted at 7:22 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com I was feeling okay until Alanis Morissette's song "Head Over Feet" came on the radio. It was never a song I really shared with her, but I always considered that song to be one of the most perfect love songs, an unadulterated ode to a loved one without even a hint of angst or a longing for something you don't have. There are only a few songs in my song canon that belong in this category - Heather Nova's "Doubled Up," Etta James' "At Last," Tracy Chapman's "Open Arms," Stephen Kellogg's "She Moves," Dan Bern's "I Need You" are a few that come to mind - so the ones that I find always stand out as possible wedding reception songs. When I get married, I won't pick anything too traditional, as I feel like this portion should be representative of the musical tastes shared by the couple. This song always struck me as something perfect for a reception.So, I got sad. I once again tried calling a trifecta of friends that I'd hoped to talk to a bit about this - Eleanor, Jason, Gale - to no avail, so I just sat in my thoughts. What actually cheered me up is thinking about Six Feet Under, which will be the highlight of my evening tonight. I began to think that if I did marry her, then our relationship might have become just like Nate and Lisa's. The experience since I came back to Baltimore has made me believe that she put me on a pedestal, one that I could never live up to. She mistaked our normal friendship behavior for emotional distance, even though it's always how I've been and, well, we're 600 miles apart. Like Nate has said on the show, it's not he who changed, it's she who changed her expectations. Only, at least Lisa expressed her qualms, even though it's done in an annoying, nagging fashion. In my situation, she instead just started dating someone else without telling me, eventually stopped calling and has now stopped talking to me altogether. I do hope that our friendship can develop itself again. I'm thinking about sending her the mixed CD I made anyway, because while it applies in a different way now, it still applies, I decided. But it might be weird. I've got to decide.
Anyhow, at least I'm not Nate Fisher.