2000-10-22
Teaching vs. Saving kids, posted at 04:46:26
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com One of the mentors in my building, also an education major, said something interesting to me this weekend after returning from her senior placement in an inner-city elementary school."That's not teaching. It's a whole different sort of culture. It's saving children. I'm not sure I want to do that."
She's rather teach kids, not have to worry about saving them.
I enjoy teaching in an urban school, but have never thought about it this way. But her saying it definitely made me think. Because, after all, I do know that the whole "saving" thing is a big reason I enjoy teaching in a school like I do. But is that really what I should be doing? Am I enjoying it because it makes me feel good?
I'm not sure what my point is. Early on in my collegiate career, when I first thought about being a teacher, I thought I would most enjoy older, advanced high school kids. Heck, I even thought about teaching community college. Now, years later and actually out there in the field, I'm far more drawn to students who were nothing like me. I'm drawn to the students who I worry whether or not they're going to graduate from high school. I'm drawn to students with personal problems. The kids who are bright and motivated - I love 'em, but my feeling is that their future is already in pretty good shape and it's more important to get so-and-so on the right track right now.
The sort of dissonance is something I'm feeling all the time - and I'm sort of starting to feel guilty about it. I love my bright kids. For example, Tahlia, who I wonder how she even got placed in my class. How do I grade Andrew, who has severe ADHD and I need to prod all the time to even spit out a couple of sentence but is coming to my class more and succeeding in my class more than any other class he's ever had in high school, on the same plane as Tahlia? My solution is that I don't grade them the same - I've got them each pretty much on their own planes. But is this fair? Is this how some students are getting out of high school without being able to read (no, this isn't close to happening in my class, I'm making the next leap).
I'm not sure what my point is. I guess I do feel like I'm "saving" kids a bit, but I prefer to think of it as "making a difference." And I feel like the difference that I'm making is greater in the kind of school I'm in rather than an upper-class school. And that's why I like teaching - I feel like I'm making a difference. I just hope no one perceives me as a white boy who is making himself feel better by getting into the trenches and saving whatever kids he can.
The thing is, it might just be true. Or at least partially. Whenever I see that light go off in a student, particularly a student where the light rarely flickers, I feel my whole soul start to sing.
Is that a bad thing? Why do I feel guilty?