2002-06-22
Roommate's wedding, posted at 10:37 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com I hate Pennslyvania. This big-ass state stretches from the midwest to the east coast, yet sucks. Case in point: the town I was looking for today to see my roommate Mike get married is called Northumberland. On the same route on the way there, I come across a town named New Cumberland. Northumberland. New Cumberland. I figured I must have misread the city name, so I pulled over. After a half hour of looking for the church, I ask somebody."Oh, mister, you're waaaay off."
At this point, it's 12:45, and the wedding is at 1, and I'm still 2 hours away. Ugh.
So I make the way up Highway 83 some more, with no clear directions. I stop at a Media Play - I'd never been to one - to buy a CD to pass the time.
And, there, I bought my first Eminem CD. He's an artist that I have a lot of cognitive dissonance over. Back in the day, when I didn't care for rap and pretty much listened to any left wing political rant, I hated him. He was a homophobe and a mysoginist. I didn't, and still don't necessarily, disagree.
But, you know what? I think Brittney Spears - with her slutty outfits emulated by twelve-year old girls everywhere - is a whole heckuva lot more detrimental to culture than Eminem. But I digress.
Anyhow, despite the dissonance that I still have, I bought the CD. I had regretted not buying his last one, and loved the single "Without Me" (despite the childish jibe at Moby), and had read enough reviews of it that I knew it would offer me a lot of issues to swirl around in my head. I was also hoping to hear some stories, something that my mind could lose itself in while driving; absent a book on tape, I figured Eminem would work best.
The CD hasn't made me finalize my own views on Mr. Mathers just yet, but it's quite good. There are at least four standout tracks that are very powerful. The haunting "Cleaning Out My Closet" boasts excellent production, but is most impressive because it shows Eminem to be like a raccoon trapped in captivity: cute and vulnerable one minute, then menacing and volatile the next. "Song For the Moment" also gave me chills; its effective sampling of Aerosmith's "Dream On" gives that song the emotional grit that it lacked in its original form.
There are other songs that are just filler. I especially hated the hyper-mysogynistic "Superman," which I'll probably never listen to again. Even that song, though, makes you feel more sorry for Eminem than to see him as a woman-hater. His ex-wife apparently fucked up his head a bit, and it shows in these lyrics.
And I guess that's why I'm sort of digging his music right now. There's not much of a leap between someone like Ani DiFranco or Melissa Ferrick or Alanis Morissette and Eminem. One of the reasons I like all three of them is that they are able to take very detailed, very personal happenings and emotions and turn them into songs that feel universal. A lot of songwriters seem to take specific experiences and try too hard to make them universal, and it in turn makes the songs sanitary and uninvolving. I'd rather have songwriters who have a knack of making the personal seem universal, rather than trying to hard to make it universal.
If that makes sense.
Anyhow, Eminem does the same thing. His lyrics are extremely personal, almost navel-gazing, yet they are powerful for someone like me, whose life is way (way) different from his. Despite the fact that I've never threatened my ex-wife with a gun, I got goosebumps and felt his turbulence as he shouted the lyrics.
My mind is also charged by his lyrics - the rhyme schemes, the way his words flow. I've already got lessons written in my head about how I can teach my students alliteration using his raps. He really is a lyrical genius.
I also bought M'Shell Ndegeocello's new album, Antropological Cookie. I realized later that buying this out-n-proud lesbian's CD perhaps was a way to assuage my liberal guilt over buying an Eminem CD, but that's okay. I like this CD as well. Ndegeocello is sort of like Jill Scott, only without the smile - her music just isn't as joyful (or as hooky) as Jill's. But it's still damned good.
She basically seems to divide her songs into two columns - songs about politics (gender, race, sexual, or personal) or sex (sample lyric: "Can't nobody lick my pussy like you do."). Sometimes both. And I like both categories - her lyrics are unapologetic, intelligent, and surprisingly witty. I love track 4. Sooo erotic.
I'll file this CD in the seldom-used pile I like to call "CDs to have sex to" along with Fumbling Towards Ecstasy (Sarah McLachlan) and Grace (Jeff Buckley)...... Okay, so I don't really have such a pile. But I have made out to Grace once. And next time I do get some action, I'll put those three CDs on continuous loop.
I finally made it to the wedding reception, at 3:30. It was quite awkward. I knew only the groom and Josh (one of the groomsmen), and it was a huge wedding. I talked with Josh for the first time since he hooked up with my minor crush Renee. He told me that when they went upstairs, she basically pounced on him. Can't argue with that, I guess. Josh also was supposed to call me and give me directions, and he didn't, so I had two solid reasons to be pissed at him. But I wasn't. He just has a way of making you feel important while talking to him, of making you feel like there's nowhere he'd rather be but be having a conversation with you. I've rarely met a more gregarious guy in my life, and I'm glad he's become probably my closest friend here in B-more (with apologies to Nick, who is up there as well).
It also struck me, while I was there, that it's really odd that I'm the only freaking person from Baltimore at the wedding. Mike has lived in this city as long as I have - since September - yet not one other person came from Baltimore to his wedding. Out of the 200 people or so there, all but me was either from his hometown or a family member.
Woah. Scary.
If I was getting married today, I would invite at least ten pretty close friends from here, but probably at least ten more from work. Let's see here: Nick, Ryan, Charity, Michelle, Rob, Kristen, Teri, J, Mike, Sally, Marcia, Brenden, Martha, Celia, Andrew. Yup, that's a bunch. And none of those are even "polite" invites - I mean, they've got to be there.
So I guess I'm feeling sort of good about myself. In mid-October, I was feeling pretty crappy about my lack of friends here. But I was patient, and now they've come. It reminds me of something that Hugasoul said to me a couple of summers ago. She said, "Epiphany, I just can't imagine you wihout a whole bunch of friends around you all the time!". Yet, that's how I imagine myself. That's how I was in high school. I had about three friends in high school. A lot of surface friends, but few much deeper. (Here's one of the real ones; here's another). In college, I guess I did know a lot of people, and had a lot of friends. But that didn't stop me from feeling like I delved into my old high school ways after moving here. But now I feel like I've got a healthy social life and a bunch of good friends here.
Yay, me.
That's pretty good for someone who does not make a good first impression (or second, or third...), isn't good at smalltalk, and has an odd sense of humor. And that's how I felt most of the night tonight, seated with a bunch of people who I don't know but know each other. I chatted for a bit, but ran out of things to talk about. It was a tiring experience, trying to be social and not having one person not in the wedding party to talk to. I'm so much better if I have someone I'm comfortable with also in the group. When Josh came over and started talking to everyone, I was chiming in all over the place. I wish I could have brought a date to the thing; it would have made it much more bearable (Jeremy was going to be my "date," but when he cancelled, it was too late to find anyone else).
I did get to dance with two hot girls. Two hot girls who had boyfriends, but hot girls nonetheless.
Other reflections on weddings: I always like to plan my wedding when I attend other people's. First off, Mike is a music lover who goes to more concerts than I do. Yet, the music played tonight was the same crappy stuff that always is played at weddings. Not at mine. I will not relent. I'm still thinking Heather Nova's "Doubled Up in Love" may be the bride/groom song. But there are others. There will be dancing, but I'm thinking there should be karaoke as well. Dancing to Karaoke. For all the dance songs that everyone likes to dance to, have them be sung by karaoke singers. You can even assign them beforehand. For example, Eleanor, you're singing "Dancing Queen." Hugasoul, you've got "Kiss." Someone who can't sing can get "Hokey Pokey". I think that would be a lot of fun, you know?