2002-07-23
Lots of happenings, posted at 10:46 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com It's been a while since an update. There are a few reasons for that. I spent all of last weekend entertaining my little sister. But I've also become a bit disillusioned with certain things pertaining to diaryland, and I just haven't felt like writing much. I wrote one long entry about this a couple of days ago, but ended up deleting it before I could post it. My feelings have lessened since then, but the gist of what I was feeling was catalyzed by a two friends of mine - pixie521 and Barani - who now work together and have made a rule between themselves not to read each other's journals any more. Barani said something that really got me to think: "I think it�ll be nice that we�ll have to talk to each other to find out what�s going on in each other�s lives, without reading about it beforehand."Lately, I've been feeling that way with some of my friends. I've been feeling lately like I'm the one who calls almost all the time, and I think (hope) part of the reason is that they don't feel the need to call me because they already know what's new with me.
All of these feelings probably stem from my sister's visit. It made me sort of homesick, sort of disillusioned. I do miss Michigan. I know I made the right decision in moving here, and I do love it. I was bragging to Hugasoul tonight about how Dar Williams, India Arie, and Me'shell N'degeocello are playing downtown at Artscape this weekend, which is supposed to be the largest art festival in the world. And it's free. That's great - definitely not the type of thing I could do in Michigan. Baltimore is a great city, the perfect size for me, and I've made really great friends here.
Still, I miss my family and friends in Michigan. My grandparents are in their late seventies, and I feel like I'm sacrificing time with them by living here. My grandma on the other side has seen her mind become riddled with Alzheimer's, but she's 80 and still finds joy in hearing my voice. My parents are good people whom I miss. And I really miss my friends. Lately, I've been thinking about how fashionable Ferndale might not be such a bad place to live someday.
I don't know, though. No freaking clue.
My lack of writing lately did encourage Hugasoul to call today, so part of my plan worked. And Eleanor called over the weekend, I just haven't returned her call because I've been running around like crazy during the prime-calling hours. I will soon!
I'll try now to provide some highlights from my sister's visit.
Friday Night
This was an amusing night. This was supposed to be our big night out on the town, but we were both a little tired. My friend Nick (fellow teacher, I write about him often) was having some friends over, and I decided to bring my sister over to introduce her before we headed out to the bars.
Now, I knew that Nick smoked pot. I've never smoked it before, but I've made comments to him that I'm curious to try it sometime. I've never been around, though, when he's done it before. In fact, I've been so sheltered in some ways that I've never been to a party where people I knew were smoking it. Just at a couple concerts have I ever seen anyone smoking a joint.
Anyhow, my sister isn't quite that inexperienced, and Nick and his friends broke out the weed. Like I said, I have had urges to try it out before, just never have. But I knew instantly that my first time smoking weed was not going to be around my little sister. No way, Jose. I wanted to leave immediately. I got in big brother overprotective mode, and wanted to get out of there.
But I didn't. My sister did smoke, a little. Much of the rest of my weekend was riddled with feelings about guilt about bringing my little sister over to my friend's place and seeing her get stoned. But she's 22 now, so it's not like she doesn't know what she's doing. Oh well.
The night ended early. Talking to Nick while he was stoned was pretty fun. I didn't even drink, so totally had an outsider experience. He talked (on and on) about Vanilla Sky, to the point where Heidi asked if we could rent it that night. I decided to just go ahead and buy it at Soundgarden, and she watched it when we returned. What an awesome movie it is. Loved it.
Saturday
Heidi and I planned on going to Ocean City, but when the three-hour drive presented itself, we decided it would be better to spend the day in DC. It was fun. We didn't get back into after midnight, doing a combination of touristy stuff (or "little kid stuff," as she complained) like seeing the museums and monuments and then some shopping at Dupont Circle and Georgetown. Good day.
Sunday
Another good day. We went to the gym and had a great workout, then hung out with Josh throughout the evening. We went to the Inner Harbor for dinner. Josh and I bought these hideous tourist hats that were shaped like giant crabs, and decided to make a bet that the first person to take it off would have to be the Designated Driver on Tuesday night for our softball game. These were gaudy, bright red hats with claws and eyeballs. We were a sight to behold. People stopped, stared, laughed, and told us they liked our hats. A tourist from China asked us to pose with her for a picture. It was a blast. Neither of us took off the hat all night, so it was a tie.
Monday
I had to teach again, and Heidi and I spent the afternoon together tooling around Baltimore before I had to take her to the airport. We went back to Soundgarden, where Heidi showed she definitely has my genes, as she impulsively bought five CDs and a DVD for herself (she bought Vanilla Sky, as she had loved my copy of it). I bought The Royal Tenenbaums, which is my favorite movie I've seen since Magnolia. After I dropped her off and got a haircut, Michelle, Josh, and I made plans to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding together. However, just as we were buying our tickets for a 9pm show, Heidi called, saying her flight had been cancelled because of storms in Chicago. We all decided to go pick her up, and had a couple drinks at this great hole-in-the-wall bar called The Havana Club afterwards. I made it back just after midnight, and I cleaned for a half hour at that point - in preparation for a prospective roommate coming in today to look at the place. Heidi's flight in the morning left at 6am, so I had to get her back to BWI at 4am. I woke up at 3am after going to bed at 12:30am. Yup, that's the sort of breakneck pace I've been going at lately.
I didn't go back to bed before going in to teach, and had a room full of new teachers observe my class today. Ugh. Things went okay, though. And four of them are teaching tomorrow instead of me! That'll be great.
Tuesday
Phew! Today was okay. Softball game was rained out - bummer. Met prospective roommate, and think he likes the place enough to move in. Talked to Hugasoul, and found out a minor practical joke I played on her over the weekend worked way better than expected. Go, me. I drove Josh home from the bar, and we just got done watching the first 45 minutes of Royal Tenenbaums while he sobered up. As he left, he said, "Epiphany, I missed the hell out of you." Me too, Josh.
The Josh/Epiphany/Renee Triangle
One thing I haven't talked about lately is this situation with Renee, who on June 2nd I wrote about as being a possible prospective girlfriend because she's attractive, we have a lot in common, and I thought I was into her and vice versa. Josh told me I should go for it. Then, the two of them drunkenly hooked up. No sex, just making out. He says she initiated it. I wasn't pissed, just amused. (Maybe that should tell me something...) The thing is Josh is now in love with a girl back home, and doesn't want to be anything more than friends with Renee. And I think Josh feels really guilty about the whole situation, with both of us. The last few days, he's been talking all about how great Renee is. The two of them went to a symphony on Saturday as friends, and he said the two of them just talked about me. He says she's really into me. The thing is, I think Josh is letting his feelings of guilt about the situation overwhelm him. I think he's talking me up to Renee to try to get her to dig me, and talking her up to me in order for me to do the same. I think he thinks that if we hooked up, then his feelings of guilt would be vanquished.
The thing is, I don't think he should feel guilty. And maybe he doesn't. Maybe his motives are totally genuine. (Knowing Josh, they probably are genuine to him - he's one of the most genuine people I know. I think his guilt feelings may be subconscious. I dunno.)
And how do I feel about her? I basically like her, but am enjoying our friendship right now.
Part of my reluctance to ask her out - okay, a LOT of it - is based on pride. Mostly, I don't want to be anyone's consolation prize. Couldn't get Josh? Go for Epiphany. It just seems like it would be too complicated.