Thursday, Jan. 23, 2003
There are so many colors in the rainbow, and I see every one, posted at 10:35 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com Today was another pretty crummy day at school on top of a number of crummy days lately. The citywide tests, as you may have figured out from my last entry, suck. They told us they were getting a company to write the tests, but instead it's the same old shitty test from last semester. It's fine and all if the city wants to give a citywide test to compare how english courses are doing. However, the test is a piece of utter shit, with a number of errors and misplaced emphases. Every semester we get it, and every semester we send back a laundry list of problems to the "powers that be" about it - and we get the same damn thing back without any changes. It's like, "Hey! Fooled ya again! We said we were going to change it and we didn't!". I trusted that they would, told the kids that they would, and it's the same god damn thing as last semester. Yet, the test counts as our final exam, 20% of the students' overall grade, and I just think it's unfair for them. Plus, I know the percentage of kids who pass and fail will be documented on my performance evaluation this year, and I have such philosophical problems with being evaluated based on a problematic test.There have been a lot of bad attitudes lately at school, and I'm afraid it's rubbing off on me. It all seems about testing, testing, testing. I can see why teachers get burnt out. Bush's "No Child Left Behind" really means "No Child Left Untested." Teaching should be about sharing knowledge with the world, but instead forces have turned our educational system into a selfish, money-driven one.
It's all about the kids, that's what I have to keep reminding myself. Five of my students failed the final, but those five got in the 60-70 range, which I think should be a passing grade. In order to increase student performance, the powers that be have made 70 the minimum passing grade. This leaves no room for the below-average student, inflates grades, and makes me jiggle with numbers so a kid who gets a 69 doesn't have to pay $100 to take the class again in the summer.
There are so many problems, and it makes me just want to open up my old school. The fight is draining me. One of the basic beliefs of my life is that the future of America lies in public school education, particularly in urban areas. I feel like our good teachers are leaving because all the bureaocratic bullshit that goes on in these big school districts. I feel so powerless right now against this huge bureocracy that screwed up and is $30million in debt and is going to furlough teachers because of it.
I do not have a solution. Our country seems to have such misguided goals, putting education on the funding backburner yet making itself feel like it's doing its job by testing as much as possible. Wouldn't it be better to raise teacher salaries, and attract and keep better people in the profession? Wouldn't it be better to invest in quality people to evaluate teachers, rather than standardized tests that lead to kids with standardized minds?
I can't imagine myself doing anything else with my life other than being in a classroom, seeing young people wrap their minds around new concepts, helping them to channel their unique, unabashed personalities and opinions into thoughtful, clearly expressed ideas and well-defended arguments in their writing and speaking. I feel zapped. I literally had to go back and read my teaching philosophy this evening to remember why I got into this, to remind myself not to fall into the traps set by society to insure social reproduction. Then I went and listened to Harry Chapin's "Flowers are Red", which was written before standardized testing but seems prescient now...
I also need to get more sleep. Good night.
Other things on my shit list for today: the damn weather (if I wanted this, I'd have stayed in Michigan), a very bad episode of Will & Grace, getting the date wrong for volleyball team signup, waking up and thinking that a pile of laundry was a praying Native American in my bedroom, the smell of cat pee, and me being a shitty dog owner, tons of kids using my pencil sharpener because mine is the only room in the hall with one, one of them spilling my coffee that I had one sip out of. and Nell Carter died.
I will, as usual, try to end on a good note with this PS - Rodney, my most at-risk student who has been my special project much of the last quarter and is one of my favorite students, scored a 77 on the final today. I was so proud I had tears in my eyes. If it had been a real, fair final that truly tested important skills, I'm sure he would have gotten an A.