Sunday, Jan. 02, 2005
Resolutions, posted at 2:00 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com So today is my first day off in Baltimore since Election Day. I've celebrated by joining some friends for brunch at Gecko's (overpriced brunch if you're not getting sloshed on mimosas, which I wasn't because I want to do stuff today). I hope to go to the gym, the county library, and Trader Joe's this afternoon before returning home for an evening of cleaning house and lesson planning.I like New Years Resolutions. I always have. Some of them have really stuck. In 1996/1997, I decided I would become a vegetarian. I was a strict vegetarian until the summer of 2002, and now I eat a bit of fish and seafood on occasion, but that one stuck. At the New Years of 2000/2001, I decided I would get serious about weight loss - and weight is something I've struggled with my whole life, even though I was only chunky in high school, not obese. I ended up losing 121 pounds off my 310-lb body over the course of eighteen months or so.
Other resolutions have came and gone without much fanfare at all. Get organized? Yeah, right. Look at my living room. Or my classroom, or my bedroom, or my car, or my CD collection. This part of my life has gotten better, but not enough so.
In deciding what I want out of 2005, it's important to look back. And how was my 2004? Well, if 2003 was the worst year of my life - the eye surgeries, the lawsuit, the financial woes, the heartbreak - then 2004 was the beginning of the comeback. The emergency eye surgeries that buckled together my retinas to my pupils with silicon worked without losing much vision; I'm no longer even conscious of that aspect of my life. I made like Perry Mason, representing myself in the lawsuit and winning. I worked two jobs and got my credit to the point where I could get approved for a mortgage and started getting credit card applications in the mail. The heartache has subsided and, while I miss the person who caused it, I have reconciled the thoughts in my head enough where I've even exchanged friendly e-mails.
And where am I right now? I'm 27. Still single and that's getting as old as I'm getting. I still long for someone to do things with, someone to jaunt off to Ocean City with or to grab a movie with, someone to count on, someone patient, someone better than me. She hasn't come around yet and I'm not doing a good job of seeking her out at this moment in time.
In other personal news, though, I'm pretty happy. I like all my friends here in Baltimore, even though my favorite ones are coupled off and sometimes hanging out with them feels like third wheels, or, worse, like charity - emotions that are all in my head, not directed from them, but still faintly present. But I'm steadfastly amazed by the amount of good friends I've amassed in Baltimore - the work friends, the second job friends, the friends who used to live with me, the house concert friends, the blogging friends. I can plan a Sunday brunch and fifteen people will show up on a couple hours' notice. That feels good - damn good.
But I don't see them enough. I went a whole semester without hanging out with Jesse, and I work just a few blocks from his house. I see Rob maybe once or twice a month. Ryan, another guy I can sit at a bar and have beers with for hours on end without getting bored in conversation, is another friend I've neglected too much. I've seen Patty just a few times this year. Marcia, my first friend in Baltimore and my closest friend for the first year here, lives in Charles Village, right near my primary job, but it might as well be a world away.
I have no excuse for feeling as lonely as I do sometimes.
So, resolution #1: I need to see my friends more.
My second resolution will not suprise anybody who reads this journal. I work way too fucking much. I thought I was going to slow down this year, and the way I planned my shifts, I thought I was. I just planned on working three, maybe four, shifts a week, but that includes the weekend shifts. It worked well for the most part, but then it just starts to wear on you. Throw in a week in which you work five shifts - full time - because two people quit in a week, and you're dead exhausted. I didn't have any breaks this year. By December, I was so tired of everything that I just wasn't happy. There's no other way to put it; I just was unhappy.
That cannot happen again. The thing about my restaurant is that they're very nice people. I love who I work with and who I work for. The money has been pretty decent lately, too - I walked with $200 last night. So if I can cut down the amount of shifts I work, I think I'll be much happier. I've requested that I have one day off a weekend starting in January, and they gave me today off. I'm expecting to continue to have these days off every weekend. That will be nice. I need to work less.
I'm also strongly considering quitting on March 1, when baseball season starts. I already cannot work during the week in season, so that would just leave weekend shifts for me, and I just might not want to do it any more.
Resolution #2: Work at the second job less.
My professional life right now is stable and rewarding. It could be better - the new principal has not impressed me, to say the least I can say about it and still make this an honest journal, and my schedule and student load is grueling - but it's still crucially important for me to be part of a successful urban school. It feels very gratifying to be part of a department that overcomes things like a horrible schedule and unstable administration and no money to bring a quality curriculum and education to kids who really need it. It makes me proud to be part of something that works so well, to be part of a department where I look forward to department meetings, to have a supervisor who I ask to see me teach something I'm unsure of because I know he'll give good advice. I'm professionally fulfilled; even though everything isn't perfect at school, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now. And I really hope it's not just ignorance talking, just "well, it's what I know." I really think it is a good place to work.
So, therefore, I feel like I'm fulfilling most of my professional goals already. But, here's one resolution, on the professional end: I will write out lesson plans every day. I don't - most don't, as far as I know - but I have a feeling the new principal is going to start asking for them, so I might as well get in the habit now of writing them out. I've always scrawled something before, but I'm going to start typing them and e-mailing them to myself so I have them at school.
Other resolutions:
4. I'd also like to make sure I get at least 30 minutes of cardio every day. I always scrimp on cardio because I hate it and get really bored.
5. I guess I should get the whole house buying thing figured out soon. I just don't have the upfront money, and I try and try to save, but it just doesn't happen for me with my bills. I might have to pay off my car first before I can save for a house. I don't know. My rent is cheap enough where I don't feel like I'm throwing money away on it. Plus, I just haven't had the time to devote any energy to thinking about it.