Monday, Oct. 18, 2004
Head clearing, posted at 7:32 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com For some reason, I overslept today. I'm supposed to be at school officially by 8:05, but the kids are let into the building at 8. Today, I left at 7:56. I made it by 8:03, luckily, but I was still embarassed and a little out of sort for most of the day.Still, things felt good. I'm trying to teach how to write a passage commentary, something that will prepare kids for their IB and AP classes. It's something that I guess isn't really done in the lower levels, but I'm doing it. I made up a handout and passed it by some other teachers. I think it's a good one. For first period, I didn't quite structure my lesson perfectly - didn't give them enough time to practice - but I was very happy with it by the end of the day. By the end of tomorrow, it will seem boring, but that's okay.
There's a class I really hate - my junior A day class. First off the class is pretty big - thirty-three strong - and that's a crummy size to work with. Second, there are a lot of loudmouths in there. Today, things were going well, until a kid spilled a water bottle that took twenty minutes to clean up after passes to the bathroom for paper towel.
The kids who did was Robert, one of my favorite kids ever. I have him again this year, and it's been bad. I know him from freshmen English, and I know him from these camping trips that we go on for Outward Bound. The way he has acted this year, I'd just like to really kick his ass. He needs it. Not in a bad way, but he really needs someone to just grab him by the shirt collar and pick him up and yell at him. If I get the opportunity, I might do it on this year's trip, which is Nov. 9-13. I think getting away will be good for him, and hopefully it will change him. He's depressed, I think, but is vague about things. His brother was gunned down this August, another young black male murdered in this city, and I'm sure that's affecting his view on life. But he's failing all his courses, including mine, and speaks vaguely about his problems and how he cannot wrestle this year even though he's the team captain. I don't know what it's about. I know he knows I'm concerned about him and care about him.
Today, I said, "Why don't you talk to me, Rob?". He said he doesn't want to worry me, doesn't want me to "make calls." When I stood over his shoulder while he took forever to get his "work" out, he asked me if I was checking for guns and drugs. I don't know what's up with him, but I think it would have been better if he hadn't been put in my class. We're too friendly - he still calls me his friend - from the camping trips. If we weren't so close, he probably wouldn't be acting like an asshole, and I probably would have said something to a kid like him, "Leave my classroom and don't come back until you can stop acting like a fool." That's coming soon.
As it is, since I can't kick his ass (and today, a kid must have seen I was mad under my facade of calmness, and made a comment I couldn't hear, to which Rob responded, "If Mr. E wanted to, he'd have me on the ground in three seconds"), I'm left to say things like, "I'm not mad at you Rob. You're just disappointing me" or "I hope you know you can talk to me if you need it. Meanwhile, you've got to get your damn grade up in English and you've got to take advantage of one of these ropes I'm throwing overboard to you."
I may just find a way to capsize a canoe or something during that Nov. 9-13 week, though. Actually, I think/hope the week away will help him clear his head and get refocused.
We could all use a good head clearing, for that matter.