Saturday, Mar. 13, 2004
Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody. I got cuz I just got paid., posted at 10:04 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com I spent all day working at the restaurant. 9am-5:30pm, 8.5 hours, no break, $61. Sigh... I guess it could be worse, though. The cute Polish girl had agreed to go to the school play with me (didn't go last night, was too tired, decided to go tonight instead). Not a date, but instead probably one of those ambiguous and awkward coworker things, but I would have settled for that even. She's beautiful, with an accent that makes my toes curl, and I would have been happy to just hang out with her for the night. She skipped out, though, when she bought a table during our thrift shopping jaunt on the way that wouldn't fit into her apartment, and she had to get help taking it apart with tools, and I had to get to the play. Alone. (As a sort of pennance, she asked me to the movies tomorrow night. I was excited, until she let me know it was with a group of four others.)The play was a lot of fun. I was embarassed to walk in alone, and ended up sitting with my principal, who was also there alone. It turned out okay. We had a little bonding moment and I was eventually joined by a lot of coupled up co-workers. The play ended and I scurried off, alone, but not before telling a few of my students who had attended that I was really glad they could make it. (I offered extra credit.)
My existence at this moment seems a little lonely. While on the way to the play, when I realized I would be showing up stag, I sort of had a vision of what my life would have been like if the girl had moved down to Baltimore instead of finding a boyfriend without telling me in Michigan. How tonight would have been a perfect thing to share. And, no, I'm not longing for her, though I do miss her. But I'm nostalgic for a moment when that or something like that seemed feasible. Nothing has really come close, since that time last February/March. My blistering schedule and surgeries have afforded me little time for my social life this year, and I'm certainly suffering from it right now. I'm lonely. I need a date. It's been too long. I'm feeling a divide between myself and friends in the area, too, which isn't helping. Another weekend with no calls from anyone. I'm not sure what's going on. I think that now that my year of bad luck has passed - March is the comeback month, still - my self confidence and thus my date-ability will return. Let's hope so.
***
I'm currently suffering from an intense Cadbury egg addiction. This is the first day in days that I haven't had one. And I'm almost ready at 10:49 to go the store and get one. But the thought of driving out to the grocery store at 10:49 on a Saturday night to buy a Cadbury egg (because they freaking don't have them at 7-11 - what's up with that?) is even sadder than showing up alone at the school play.
np: Ani DiFranco, Little Plastic Castle