Saturday, Feb. 28, 2004
I know there's more than one answer to these questions, pointing me in a crooked line, posted at 1:56 a.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com No new layoffs today, as far as I know. I worked a double, just getting back at 1:30am after taking a cab back from the restaurant. Still no car. It pissed me off so much to spend $15 of the tips I made tonight on a cabride home. I went to the impound lot today, and it was one of the most terrible places I had ever been. After waiting a half hour in the middle of the school day, I realized that it would be no use to wait - that I wouldn't be able to get to my car, get my registration, and then back to school in time by the time my next class started. I'm going to try again tomorrow, as long as I can find a ride. I'm worried it will not go smoothly. As if paying $2500 to get your car back could get worse. I'm sure it will.That sums up my mood lately: futile and powerless. School was great and I didn't think about much of this crap, but now that I'm home I'm thinking about how much things suck. People write entries in my guestbook telling me I'm not taking responsibility for my problems, in an effort to make a guy who already feels at his lowest to feel even lower. Tell me, just how should I be taking responsibility for my detached retinas or the thousands of dollars of medical expenses that have emerged from these two major surgeries? Or, how about the horrible financial mess that my school system is in, forcing layoffs? Or about my dog being let out by my roommate when I'm not home, to jump on a garbageman who was trespassing? I will totally admit that the parking tickets were 100% my fault - I have from the beginning - but there are also many mitigating factors with them. Do I feel like the world is piling crap on me over and over again, that whatever could go wrong in the last year has? Hell yeah. Does complaining about those things mean I'm not taking responsibility? Certainly not. Have I taken responsibility for all of it, regardless if it had anything to do with fault of my own or not? Yes, over and over and over again. And screw you for suggesting otherwise.
I shouldn't let this kind of stuff irk me, but I hate the sanctimoniousness of those entries. I don't know what would even possess someone to leave such a guestbook message. I mean, I think it's pretty obvious that I am in a bit of pain right now, and they have the nerve to say I'm not taking responsibility? I'm speechless. Where do they get off? Especially without a link to e-mail. Ugh.
Okay, I'm done. Onto happier news... coaching... I am so freaking nervous about my first day coaching on Monday. Today, we got the equipment all ready. I actually feel like I'm becoming part of the "Coaches Clique." They're even making fun of the principal in front of me. That's what I really want to write about: the normal highs and lows of teaching and coaching. Hopefully, happier times are in store for me. I'm ready for them.