Thursday, May. 22, 2003
Unsent, posted at 8:31 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com Well, I sure wish you had stuck with your promise the first time, and not read the journal again. I certainly won't trust the current version of the promise over the last version.You do not have to worry about not opening the CD. It is not some sort of deep-seeded attempt to communicate with you. Remember, it was you who stopped calling me regularly, only called me drunk, and stopped telling me anything that was going on in your life. It's just a bunch of songs that I thought you'd like. Nothing sinister and no attempts to communicate beyond simply songs I thought you would enjoy.
As it is, I think it's better I take a step back from the situation, and assess on my own. This is the first time I've had my heart broken, and to be honest I am not dealing with it too well and I can't allow you the opportunity to salt my wounds by what already seem attempts to justify your actions by placing blame on me. Understand that my behavior did not change, and it was you who totally backed off (and now I understand why, only you didn't think it fit to tell me about him).
I will say this: I came back to Baltimore in love, sure you were the one for me. I was happy that things continued to remain the same through January and February, just like they'd always been - you being my best friend in the world and our hilarious, wonderful, and incredible friendship was intact and the possibilities of more still well in sights. Then, I felt you backing off, seeming distant, not returning my calls, not calling me on your own... and it just got worse and worse. You have not called me on your own once in the last 2.5 months except drunk, and even then, the last time was over a month ago. I of course understand why, but I certainly do not feel it me who caused the communication breakdown -and from the tone of your e-mails, I see you placing the blame squarely on my shoulders. I mean, "I have been waiting for you to communicate for months, so if you need a few more weeks take them." What?!? I can't begin to express how upset that line makes me. It's you who I felt didn't want to communicate with me, and it hurts me even more that it now seems like you're placing blame on me. This consistent patronizing tone of your last two e-mails makes everything even worse, you trying to convey that it was me who didn't return phone calls or maintain communication standards, when this is sadly not the case.
Epiphany