Monday, Feb. 03, 2003
Strange fantasy, posted at 5:17 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com My friend Gale often has daydream fantasies about how her life would go if a certain, drastic thing occurred - like if she got pregnant or was diagnosed with cancer. I sometimes made fun of her, because, the way she described it, the fantasies would go on for hours and would be specific to every detail - who she would call first, what her friends' reactions would be, and how she would juggle her new life responsibilities.I don't think I'll make fun of her any more, though, as I had my own today. I was speaking earlier today about a kid who I was going to request be added to my class this semester, on the basis that he was a very at-risk kid who I had established a good repoire with. He was quite successful in my class, despite having one of the lowest grade point averages in the entire freshmen class.
Somehow, I was crafting my rationale for his class change in my head, and suddenly I was transported into a fantasy in which I had adopted Barry. I don't know how his mom, who I know struggles, lost him, but suddenly I was in a courtroom being awarded custody on the basis that even living with a 25-year old bachelor would be better than being put into the foster care system. I was imagining converting the den to a bedroom, getting on him about his homework, and making him eat breakfast before I gave him a ride in to school. I worked out with him in the basement (we actually do work out together in the school weight room, but it's with tons of other kids as well). He called me by my first name. I bought him school supplies.
This fantasy all occurred on the way into work. I think this is a sign that I'm taking way too much of my work home with me. But something about this kid - who in a perfect world, devoid of social reproduction, that respects its young black men more, would be well on the road to being a major university somewhere but instead will struggle to graduate high school - brings out my paternal instincts. I want to take care of him.