Epiphany in Baltimore

2001-09-19

Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com

Yesterday was stressful.

I was evaluated for the first time. I started my 2nd period class surprised to see my Department Head sitting in the back of the room, a stern look upon her face. The same department head who I've seen, like, twice all year, and hasn't even asked me how I'm doing. (I know she's been busy, with scheduling stuff and other things, so I'm just sort of complaining here without much merit. Most first-year teachers feel a bit like they're being ignored, especially after a student-teaching experience like I had. But I digress...)

Anyhow, she sat in my room for about 15 minutes. We started by continuing on with the group work from the previous day, in which the class paraphrased some of Ben Franklin's aphorisms. It wasn't a tough task, and the kids seemed to like it and enjoy it without too much trouble. Then, I went on to the test review for a test that I was in the process of writing. I phrased things like, "I might ask you something like this..." or "This sort of thing could be on there...". Then, she left.

My typed evaluation was in my mailbox by the end of the day. After about five lines of compliments ("I thoroughly enjoyed your class. Your students obviously really like you. The activity was well-planned and interesting..."). Then, there were three paragraphs of "important suggestions." Of course, I'm focusing on that. The first was that I should have a better beginning-of-class routine, so the kids are doing something right when the bell rings. I agree with this one; it would stress me out a lot less if I had this. The second was that I should allow for more silence after I ask discussion questions, and not to answer my own questions - make them answer them. I agree with this as well (it's not the first time I've heard this - my mentor used to tell me this, too). The problem is, sometimes I don't think I word my questions well. I need to work on that. The last one is the only one I disagreed with. She could obviously tell that I hadn't written the test yet, that I was in the process of writing it. Perhaps I should have a test written before I have the test review, I dunno. But she said I should have the test written before I start a unit, so I know what I'm teaching to. She even said this was "common sense". I dunno if I agree. First of all, there's no way I was going to write a test for a unit that was going to end on September 19 before school starts in my first year of teaching. I had no idea even what the curriculum really was before the year started, and was too busy making up my class syllabi, getting the year started, getting my classroom ready, and in general just preparing for the year. Perhaps in the future, when I develop a file cabinet of resources, I'll be ready to have all my tests ready before I begin a unit. But at this point, I'm still feeling out the kids, feeling out the material, and really feel that it's better to teach kids than to teach to a test (even if the test is my own). I'm basically going day by day, a bit. For example, if the kids were, say, really interested in "The Crucible" (which they were), and we have great discussions on flawed heroes, pride, guilt, and intolerance, then I would probably make this a pretty heavy portion of the test. But I won't know that until I teach it. You know?

Anyhow, the evaluation was overall positive, and I should look at those parts the most. But I just don't take criticism well, even constructive criticism. I dwell on it for days. And the "common sense" comment bugs me, still.

The rest of the day was okay. I lectured for about a half hour to 2/3 and 5/6, and it was admittedly boring, but since I've already picked up a reputation as the "fun English teacher," I think they should have to sit through some boring, content-heavy classes some days. The test is easy, but long - eight pages (4 pages front and back). This, in only the third week of school. woah. I can't believe it myself. But at least it lets me sit back and relax for a class period, after prepping the test until about 9pm last night. I hate to say it, but I need a break. I seem to have already hit a wall where I feel mentally exhausted and need a break. I think the tragedy and the popular sentiment here that teachers should "be strong for the students" has contributed to this, but also because I'm a first year teacher just getting used to everything.

My freshmen are so loud and obnoxious. I loved freshmen last year, but this year I dread 7th hour. They're just so loud. Sometimes loud in a good way, but often loud in an obnoxious way. Yesterday, we did a mock trial of George from "Of Mice and Men," trying him for Lennie's murder. Some of the kids did very well with it, and I suppose I'm asking for trouble when I have such tenuously structured assignment for such young kids, but it was just so stressful. We didn't get done with it, and I'm thinking of not really letting them finish it today. We'll see, though. I might. I need to find some better strategies for myself, though, because I've got two classes of freshmen next semester and no sophomore classes. I love my sophomores. I'll learn to love the freshmen, I suppose (plus, they'll all have a year of seasoning with other high school teachers, so they'll probably be less rambunctious than mine now).

The workout program is still going well. I feel great, physically. The cut on my foot isn't healed yet, but the Neosporin is working and I should be ready for b-ball again tomorrow. My muscles are sore from three straight days of weights, so it will be good to be able to go back to the courts. I can't believe that I'm actually looking forward to playing basketball. I never thought I'd see that day.

I'm getting a little homesick. My parents are visiting on the 28th, and I'm excited about it. Jake and Anne (and baby Aurora) may also be coming that weekend for a wedding in Annapolis, and that would be great - my first visit from friends down here. I miss them all. I also want to go visit Langoki in D.C. sometime soon. I had not planned on going home for Thanksgiving, but I think I probably will now.