2000-10-19

I've got so many issues, I need a subscription!, posted at 03:10:56

2000-10-19 - 03:10:56

I'm writing in here more often lately. Part of the issue is my life is heating up again - I'm starting to get busy; my internship year is finally taking hold. I start Edgar Allan Poe next week, then do a unit on contemporary poetry, then Native American lit, then The Scarlet Letter. Not very excited about the latter. I'll also be doing Death of a Salesmen with seniors.

I am extremely close with my grandparents. In fact, I think I'm closer with my grandparents than anyone else my age. When they're in Michigan (they're globetrotters), I eat dinner with them weekly. They're wonderful people - full of enthusiasm for life still, always looking to learn, constantly volunteering, and making the most of their retirement years. Anyhow, I have with them on Tuesday night, and they're leaving for Florida on Friday. So I don't get to see them for six months. I'm sad about it. I'm nearly as close with them as I am with my parents.

I've had an emotionally tumultuous week in the aftermath of that wild weekend, but things seem to be levelling out now. I missed my daily workout today, and went through a dumb training session. Sometimes I think I need therapy, though I'm not really sure how to go about it. I go through weird stages sometimes. Like now. Sort of like I'm just going through the motions in some aspects of my life. I think the weekend was too exciting for me, and going back to my everyday life was a little soul-numbing. I could see my future when I was in Chicago (and no, I haven't made any decisions about where I want to live, but the excitement of a new city and some other stuff definitely opened my eyes to some post-Lansing possibilities), and then was dumped quicky back into my humdrum nature of my own life. I feel like I've been on the verge of crossroads in my life for a long time, and I'm anxious to finally get there. I'm sure when it does come, it will be over in an instant and I'll look back at it fondly. But right now in this very moment, I'm sort of in a state of stagnation.

Michelle Shocked's song "Anchorage" nearly made me cry today. "Took time out to write to my old friend / walked across that burning bridge / Sent the letter off to Dallas / But the reply came from Anchorage, Alaska / Hey Shel, it's about time you wrote / It's been over two years, my old friend / Take me back to the days of the foreign telegrams / and the all night rock n rollin' / Hey Shel, we were wild then / and Hey Shel, you know it's kind of funny? / Texas always seemed to big / but you know you're in the largest state in the union / when you anchored down in Anchorage." The rest of the lyrics are here: http://home.klis.com/~bertrob/80stop/anchorage.html.

Very sad song. It definitely fits the theme of the week, which is sort of a pre-post-graduation reminiscence, sort of like the prequel to the Big Chill or something.

Wow, am I ever rambling tonight. It's been a weird week.

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