2000-06-26
More weddings, more contemplation, posted at 01:30:22
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com One of my best friends in the world got married Saturday. It was a nice ceremony, one of the nicest weddings I've ever been to. It was very non-traditional, but this friend is one who always bucked tradition so that's to be expected. That's one of the things I like about him. He's found a wonderful wife. It's weird... the wedding turned out to be unlike what I had imagined his wedding to be for a number of reasons, but it still seemed the most natural thing in the world. How many weddings have you been to where you can actually say everyone had a fun time? Well this was one of them. In addition, it included Ani DiFranco, a scientific demonstration, Canterbury Village, and a toy store. But it seriously was one of the best weddings I've ever been to. And I couldn't be happier for the lucky two.As weddings usually do, this one made me highly reflective on my own life. This guy has his whole life in order now - a good job, a wife, a place to live, etc. Even though I'm getting closer and closer, I still feel like I'm years away from that point. And that brings with it a mixture of anxiousness, fear, and excitement. I don't think I'll settle down in Michigan. I don't think I'll get married before I'm 28 or so. But for all I know, I might get married in a year. A year ago, this guy and his wife had met a day before. Now, they're spending their whole lives together. Things can change in an instant.
Will it happen to me? I don't really leave myself open to love at first sight. My self-esteem block probably will continue to stumble me in that area. But I'll try to leave myself open to possibilities. My thoughts now are that I need to get a fresh start somewhere else before those possibilities will come to fruition. I don't want to become like another old friend, one who thinks continuing to change professions and locations will lead to happiness. But I do think that I need to figure out a bit more about what makes Mark tick before I settle down. I don't think it will happen in Lansing.
When I think about what happened to this guy in the course of a year, it makes me wonder if the same thing could happen to me. Could I meet someone tomorrow and marry them next June 26? Um, probably not. But even leaving myself remotely open to the possibility is something I have to work towards. My lack of confidence in my own ability to open up to someone that quickly is sometimes crippling. Ah, well. Nothing that some good therapy can't fix.
At least I know who my friends will be for the rest of my life.