2002-04-09
Pooping at school and more!, posted at 1:43 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com Yesterday, during our marathon, decidedly unfun baseball game, I had to take a poop. A big one. I excused myself from the game (figuring that the half-inning that the other team was up would last a half hour, as every half inning had lasted until that point), and made my way up to the school. The teachers' restroom was locked, so I was left with the students' one. Still, I needed to go, and I figured I'd be somewhat safe since it was 5:30pm or so.Nope.
About thirty seconds after I sat down, before contractions started, I heard someone come in. A kid. I looked down and noticed black cleats and stirrups. Shit, it was a baseball player. He said, half to himself, "Damn, someone's taking a dump in here!" I wasn't sure if he wanted to have a conversation or not, but I certainly wasn't going to offer one up. I didn't recognize the voice, but, then again, it was in a near whisper. He then proceeded to talk to himself throughout his entire urination, ending with, "Gotta ge me outta here!"
I just sat there the entire time he was in there, not pooping at all. I was like a deer stuck in headlights. I'm a very shy bathroom goer to begin with, as I think a lot of guys are. That's one reason why you'll never see a group of guys go to the bathroom together. We don't like to pee in groups. Urinals are not a pleasant gathering place. In fact, I always choose a stall if I can, especially if the place is busy and there are no little walls between the urinals. Whenever I end up going to a urinal when there's a lot of people around, I sometimes have to overcome my "stage fright" by breathing as deeply as possible and singing TLC's song "Waterfalls" in my head.
Woah. I feel like I just shared way too much.
Anyhow, so, yeah, guys don't like to pee socially, and we certainly don't like to poop socially. And teachers, at whatever cost, don't like to poop at school, and certainly don't like to do it with students.
Can I hear a "holler back" on that one?
Anyhow, so the kid finally left, and I went about my business. Gosh, it was worth it. I tried to re-enter the game as subtly as possible, saying it took me a long time to find an unlocked restroom and that's why it took me so long (which was partially true). So, I'm sitting on the bench, when one of the players flashed a sly grin at me. This isn't only one of the players, but he's one of only two baseball players that I also teach in my classroom. So I know him well.
"So, you feeling relieved, Mr. (E)?," he said with a smirk.
I answered with a big grin, and said, "oh yeah."
I didn't know what else to say. He had recognized my cleats from under the stall. Color me slightly embarassed, but it could have been worse, I suppose.
Grades are due tomorrow, and I decided to give a quiz today to help kids boost their grades. However, what was supposed to be easy is taking all the students way longer than I thought it would. Kids had to come in during their lunch period to finish up. What a mean bastard I am. But it's certainly given me plenty of time to catch up on things today. Now I've got another stack of quizzes to get through tonight, though. I guess that's what happens when I spend a few days assigning things rather than teaching, which is what I've done. The kids are good and are working diligently, but I'm not being a model teacher this week at all. But I didn't get home last night until 8:30. Eight fucking thirty! I was in bed an hour later, and back up this morning at 4:45. Yeesh. I just don't get paid enough.
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A couple of random things I wanted to share:
The other day, I bought a pair of jeans that were a size 32. Do you know that I haven't wore a size 32 since I was probably in the 5th grade? Yup. Of course, it doesn't fit, but will soon (about an inch to go). I used to be a size 40. A size 32 was always, to me, what thin guys wear. The fact that I'm almost there (though I'm decidedly not thin, so maybe my initial speculations were inaccurate) is something of a turning point. Guess those Cadbury Eggs over Easter didn't do me in too bad. Plus, I've really been working out hard since I got back.
In addition, Ms. Boombastic, the only one to take advantage of my offer to share my karaoke pics from last Friday, told me that she's amazed at how much thinner I looked even from the pics from March 2001 (since I consider my greatest weight loss time to be between August 2000 and January 2001). That was another thing that made my day.
***
So, I'm pretty excited that I've been reading so much lately. Hugasoul told me that saying I "read" things that I actually only listened to on books on tape was the same as her saying I had "told" her something when actually I only wrote it in here. But, anyway, I feel like I read them.
So I read The Bean Trees (loved it - a great story and I laughed out loud a lot), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (I was laughing out loud at the first paragraph or so, but then it just go too goofy and episodic for me), and Slaughterhouse Five (I'm actually realizing I'm not that fond of Vonnegut, even though I want to give this one another try because I think I missed an important narrative point at the beginning and never really caught on. He just seems so dry, though.).
I also went to the library the other day, and bought W.P. Kinsella's Shoeless Joe and Camryn Manheim's Wake up! I'm fat!. I certainly never was expecting to read the latter, but I've always enjoyed Manheim on The Practice, and loved her Emmy acceptance speech a couple of years ago. I picked up the book, and was immediately drawn into its readability and humor. It's a great gym book - I read 72 pages of it in sixty minutes on the eliptical machine the day I bought it. I'm realizing that gym books probably shouldn't be really good books like Richard Ford's The Sportswriter, because that should be savored, but rather mindless page-turners. That doesn't bode well for the next book I've got on my agenda: Zadie Smith's White Teeth. Has anyone read it? I've been wanting to read it for a while, and finally bought it the other day.
***
Yesterday, the high school baseball team that I'm assistant coaching won 30-29. It was a horrendous game - ugly in every respect. Both teams had tons of errors, walks, and hit batsmen. It last almost five hours.
Luckily, when I came in, I received the best baseball news that I've heard in years: that GM Randy Smith and Manager Phil Garner had both been fired after eight straight losing seasons and an 0-6 start this season. While this won't make the Tigers become magically good, it does provide a bit of hope that the right people are finally in charge. Or at least that the wrong people aren't in charge any more. I've got countless things to say about the subject, as I've been reading much of the day, but I don't want to bore you all. I'll just head over to the Detroit Tigers forum. I wish I was in Detroit right now, because I would be listening to sports talk radio rejoice right now.
It's been a pretty damn good week. I actually want to get direct tv so I can watch Tiger games.
And planning for the house concert with wp on Sunday is going very well. (Yes, Vanity Fair, you guessed correctly here) I sent out the e-mail to a bunch of people today; it was the first "come to the concert" e-mail I had written since my days at the common grounds, and brought back fond memories.