2002-11-10
"Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life.", posted at 10:06 a.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com Yesterday was the perfect fall day - sunny, crisp, and colorful. I made it to the big football game - the oldest football rivalry in the nation, by the way - at the end of the first quarter, and watched a battle of two good defenses that we ended up losing 7-6. Still, it was fun. The band was a blast, as usual, playing "Hot in Herre" and some funk, while the crowd was friendly and jovial. I think the weather just made everyone a little bit happier yesterday.After the game, it was over to Boston Betty's for a little get-together with fellow teachers. It was a great way to chill out and spend the afternoon, after my wild night the night before. Boston Betty lives in Charles Village, and turning down her street was like driving into a postcard. The trees flamed with colors of red, yellow, and orange, and framed the street as we drove. Stepping out of the car, the smell of autumn enveloped me, reminding me of the fall season in Michigan. It was gorgeous. I'm not one of those people who declare fall their favorite season - it brings in winter, so I couldn't think that - but yesterday was a day that reminded me why the season is loved. There's just something about wearing jeans and a sweater and a hat and watching football and seeing the leaves on the trees that reminds a person that the world is a beautiful thing and that life is lent to us for such a short time and we must make every moment count. It felt so right that I got goosebumps and shivers.
The conversations at Boston Betty's were stimulating and entertaining. One interesting thing that we noted yesterday was the amount of interacial couples in our department. Out of fourteen English teachers, six are in interacial marriages. I think it's because us English teachers are independent thinkers, uncaring about how we are perceived in many ways. We, in general, have principles that often fall to the left of center. There's also four vegetarians in the department, for example. The conversation made me swell with pride at my job and my colleagues.
A funny, semi-related story: There's this girl at school, and she's amazing. A junior, she's brilliant, active in everything, good-humored, and a natural leader. I'm just getting to know her, because she's on the School Improvement Committee with me. Anyhow, she volunteered for Kathleen Kennedy Townsend's campaign, and the discussion at the table before our last meeting was why she lost (I've still yet to meet one person who voted for Ehrlich). This girl kept saying, "I don't understand it. Everyone I know is upset about it, so why did Ehrlich win?". This one English teacher who I know well - an old guy, probably 65, who is one of the guys I respect most in the school - started talking to this 16-year girl about how she got involved in politics (isn't it wonderful to see young people involved, by the way?). He said, "Your parents are pretty liberal, right? They're active in politics?" She agreed, and sort of apologetically said that she's a bit left of center as well. This old English teacher said, "Well, there are a lot worse things to be than left of center." Pause. Pregnant Pause. "You could be right of center."
It was so funny, as I'd sort of pegged him as a Republican. It's so refreshing to see old people who are still Democrats.
Speaking more of politics, which I'm getting incredibly sick of, by the way, despite wandering into that territory during this entry yet again, Martin O'Malley came and spoke at our school. He was incredible. What a guy. Succinct but powerful. The basic gist of his speech was, "This is the only high school in the nation sending three people to Congress this election. This was the best school, and continues to be the best school. You are all here because you've demonstrated excellence, and you - the students who fill this room - are the reason why Baltimore will continue to come back. You are the future of this city, and the reason why this will become a better and better place to live." I can't really capture the power of his words here, nor get his phrasing exactly right, but suffice to say that the entire auditorium exploded into riotous applause.
Martin O'Malley for President, 2014.
I've been thinking about race a lot lately. When Martin O'Malley tells an auditorium full of Black kids that they are the future of this city, it makes me so very happy, because it's the truth. Being a white teacher at an all Black school is something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I really have no words to capture the emotions that I've been feeling lately, other than happiness. It's been making me extremely happy lately to see whites and Blacks interacting as well as they do in this city. Perhaps it's because the big city I'm somewhat used to is Detroit, which is the most segregated city in the U.S. (according to Gale, who would know.) Baltimore is certainly segregated in many parts, but my neighborhood is incredibly integrated. My school, which used to be an all white, all male school, now has just a handful of white students. I have two white students in my three classes.
I'm not sure what my point is in all this. But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my role in their lives. I know this experience that they have of being a racial minority is something that I will never fully understand. As many people have, I've often felt like an outsider, which is probably why I've always connected with minority literature. But I never want to give the impression that I understand their experience. I can have compassion, and I do - sometimes to the point of tears. In Bowling for Columbine, when there was that segment about the fear this country has for young African-American youths, I choked up. I thought about all the young Black males I've taught. I tend to connect more with my male students, probably because our school is mostly female and I've always thought it was a bit tougher to be a high school guy than a girl anyway because girls emotionally quicker. Guys often stop becoming emotionally mature at around 14. Lord knows I did. Anyhow, our school is almost 3/4 female, so the guys have an even tougher time than the normal guy does. I think the community here needs to develop young African American males to ensure success of future generations, and I've worked with some truly wonderful young Black males at this school.
I sometimes wonder, though, what kind of teacher I could be for them if I was African American. These kids really need male figures in their lives, and I fill that role a bit. But sometimes I wish I could connect just a little bit more. There's always something that separates us. I don't know if there's any way to close that separation, as I think part of it is race.
Sometimes I wonder if my experience would be valuable at a rich, white upper-class school. That might be something in my future, although city kids are my passion right now and maybe will be for my entire career. But teaching, to me, is a way to change the world one kid at a time. I want to change the world as much as possible while I'm here, and I wonder what the best path for me to do that is. Should I stay at this school - a good urban school that certainly has its share of urban school problems but is loads better than most urban schools - for the rest of my career, or should I try an urban school that is much more in need of good teachers (like the school that I worked with in Lansing), or, perhaps try out a ritzy school district that might mold some kids that really need it as well. Eleanor often talks about her English teacher in high school, and how he influenced her so much, and now she is one of the state of Michigan's most important people in the non-profit sector.
I apologize for all these unformed thoughts. I'm basically freewriting here, wondering where my future lies. I'm feeling more a part of my school right now than ever. My principal likes me, I'm quite sure of it. I chaperoned the Homecoming Dance last night, and it was wonderful. Being a 2nd year teacher is no comparison to the confusion and fear I was feeling as a 1st year teacher. My department head from last year - now the Assistant Principal - came into my room last week and stayed for a few minutes. As she was leaving, she grinned and whispered in my year, "Well, Mr. Epiphany, all I can say is... what a difference a year makes." The Faculty vs. Students soccer game made me impossibly happy. I'm stoked about coaching again during the baseball season and wishing it wasn't five months away, and praying that we'll be able to afford to have a JV team so we don't have to cut kids and I can have a team of my own to coach. My department head, the other day at the School Improvement Team meeting, gave me a little shout-out, saying that she's estimating that standardized test scores will double by 2006 because, "We have a 9th grade English team, led by Mr. Epiphany, that is working very well together and really focusing on student achievement." She gave me a smile and a wink.
I've been feeling damn good about my job lately. And the kids... I don't know why, maybe it's because grades are due Tuesday, but they're being wonderful lately. Everyone just seems to be in a good mood.
I feel like I just wrote way more than I was expecting to, so I think I will bid you adieu. I'm catching a matinee of 8 Mile this afternoon, and looking forward to a day full of working out, grading, and watching The Simpsons and Six Feet Under as well.
By the way, don't you like the quotation that I used to title this entry? It has no direct connection to anything I wrote, but sort of sums up how I've been feeling lately.