2002-08-08
Lesbian Muslim Identity-stealing hairdresser/professors, posted at 3:51 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com So, apparently if you don't pay your phone bill, they turn off your DSL. Oops.Now, understand, I did not pay my phone bill because I hate my home phone. The only people who call it are bill collectors looking for my old roommate, and telemarketers. I love not having a home phone.
But, yesterday, my DSL was off. It was today, too. So I called. Yup, it was the bill thing for the home phone. Oops. I paid it over the phone, but it's still not back on yet. I'm at the library.
Pretty interesting story from yesterday:
I went out to lunch with Boston Better (formerly Marcia) and two other colleagues who I'll call Madame X and John Waters. Madame X is a French teacher from France. She's quite a spitfire. John Waters looks exactly like, you guessed it, John Waters. Sometimes, my psuedonyms make perfect sense. John Waters teaches Latin. The guy could be John Waters, just twenty years younger: short, thin, hilarious, gay, thinning hair. It was my first time really meeting him, and he joked that he doesn't start talking to people until they've been there for two years. So that's why.
Anyhow, back to the interesting story. We're eating a fabulous lunch at a great Indian restaurant called Mugul Gardens - they have an all-you-can-eat lunch buffet for $6.95, and I ate enough that I wasn't hungry for dinner later in the day. But that's not story. This is:
Somehow, the subject of this mutual friend that Madame X and John Waters have comes up. This woman, Mary, has lived one of the most interesting lives I've ever heard. Here are some facts about her:
* She's drop-dead gorgeous, very exotic with eyes like that of a deer.
* She stole her sister's identity, immigrated from her native Africa, and got a job teaching at a major university despite the fact that she never graduated from high school.
* She was able to steal her sister's identity because she's Muslim, and simply added a name onto the high school and college diploma that her sister had.
* From Africa (Ivory Coast), she brought along a servant/slave, who worked for her for years over here in her home.
* She's a lesbian, but got married and had three kids. She was described as an "excellent mother."
* She fools around all the time, always goes to parties and ends up with two women and a man on each arm.
* Her husband nonetheless adores her, and she adores him. She does stuff like pretend to cut his non-existent hair whenever he feels like he "needs a haircut." He never knows the difference.
* The woman makes mad cash as an international lecturer. She only talks about her village in Africa, though. It would be just like somebody who came from inner city Baltimore and flew to France to speak about American culture, with no special training or anything. Yet, she makes $10,000 for a 2-day lecture.
* She teaches Spanish to college students, but doesn't know the language. She only knows French.
* Her friendship ended with Madame X after Madame X turned her in for having a servant/slave here in the U.S. The servant/slave was sent back to her native Africa.
* She's had a boobjob and a tummy tuck.
* She has a new sex partner almost every week.
* She owns a chain of beauty salons, but all she knows how to do is braid hair.
So, the stories about this woman were fascinating. We talked about her for about an hour. Mind you, Madame X hadn't seen or spoken to her for seven years, and John Waters only knew her briefly at a conference a couple of years previously. Yet, she dominated our conversation throughout all of lunch. I was ready to write a book about her - this woman seemed like she had lived on of the most interesting lives ever.
Then, we left the restaurant and... we ran into her on the street! Madame X hadn't seen her in seven years, and there she was walking down the street. This woman, Mary, invited us into her shop and we all talked for about a half hour. It was bizarre. I still think she should write a book.
The world can be a very, very interesting place some times. It was one of the most incredible and random events ever to run into that woman on the street as we left.