2002-07-03
"Holden, I'm really enjoying my life right now.", posted at 8:49 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com 6 miles in 62 minutes. I beat my score from a few days ago by a minute.I was so excited that I randomly told two people at the gym who I didn't know that I had done it. Before I get a cramp from patting myself on the back, though, I need to remind myself that this is still only about 20% of a whole marathon.
But it feels damn good anyway.
I'm really enjoying myself right now. Last night, while walking my dog deep into the evening, I found myself telling him that. "Holden," I said. "I really am enjoying life right now."
He replied by continuing to strain his body against the leash, sniffing everything he can and peeing on as many bushes as possible. "Epiphany," he seemed to say. "It's been far too long since you walked me."
This imaginary conversation with Holden also is representative of my life right now. I'm spending a lot of time by myself, enjoying my own company. The solitude has been enriching. I haven't been in the mood to go to the bar lately, and have been enjoying getting my house together, getting caught up on my reading, and just sitting around at home with "the boyz" (Holden and Tobey).
Last night, after our softball game, we went to our usual trip to the bar. Someone bought me a beer, and usually that cheap, watered-down Miller Lite tastes so good after a game. But I took one sip, and didn't want any more. I spent the rest of the time covertly pouring the rest of that beer into my unsuspecting friends' cups when they weren't looking. I got caught, when Kristen said, "For the life of me, I can't understand why the level of my beer hasn't gone down any!" and I started giggling. I then ordered a diet coke, and headed home at 9pm.
Today, summer school let out 45 minutes early because of the excessive heat. By the way, things are still going really well. Animal Farm will be finished by the end of the week, and we started and read through all of Act I of Death of a Salesman in first period. The kids are into it. I actually would have liked going in tomorrow. Yes, that's how dorky my summer has become.
After school, I came home, and took a nap to escape the swelter of my non-air-conditioned abode. My poor animals stared at me, silently asking me to do something about the heat. I've got all these fans set up, and took Holden outside to hose him down, but they're still a little miserable. I'm sure it hit 100 today.
I woke up sweaty, and ended up going to a matinee of Minority Report - again, mainly to escape the heat. The film was terrific - a smart summer thriller with a suspenseful script and intriguing storyline. It was one Speilburg's most entertaining movies. And say what you want about Tom Cruise, the man knows how to choose really good movies. And really good women, as well - I'd take Penelope Cruz over Nicole Kidman any day (sorry, Ms. Boombastic had to get it in there :) ) This summer has had an abnormally large amount of good, entertaining summer movies. Even though there has been crap like Star Wars, there have been really fun and well-made movies like Spider Man, The Bourne Identity, and now this. I also think About a Boy will be good; it's at the cheap theater, and maybe I'll catch it tomorrow.
After seeing the movie, I headed to the gym (trip #2 today - my first trip was before school, a nice shoulders workout) and completed the aforementioned run. My new CD player is coming in handy; I listened to Nellyville through the whole thing. Towards the end, I just repeated three songs over and over and over again; I wanted something familiar that I could wrap my mind around instead of thinking about the pain my lower back was in or how my legs were numb. Coaches say that most beginning runners practice disassociation while running, and most experienced runners practice association while running. That basically means that beginning runners try to zone out from the actual act of running, try to either think about nothing or to think about anything else possible than what they're going through. I'm definitely in that category. Once I get experienced, maybe I'll get into association (focusing on every little movement in the run), but can't do it yet.
My new theory is that running is mostly mental. I think I just have to figure out how to get through 26 miles without getting bored to tears.
The other thing that I do while running - which sounds sort of dysfunctional when I relay it to others - is to tell myself over and over again that if I don't complete my goal, that the entire workout is a waste and a failure. "Epiphany," I tell myself. "If you quit now before you get to six miles, you suck. This workout has been worthless." That motivates me, even though it doesn't sound very nice.
When I returned to my car from the gym, Nick had called me to ask me out to the bar. He had called at 8, and it was 8:20. I'm purposefully not going to call him back until 9:30 or so, so I know he'll have already left. I just don't feel like going. Tomorrow will be the fun day - two parties, watching the fireworks over the harbor from a rooftop deck with a great view - so I don't feel the need to go out tonight. I'm bringing Holden to the party, to see if he gets along with my friend's dogs. She's offered to watch him next week while I'm in NYC, and we need to make sure they'll get along.
Poor Holden. He's all flummoxed about the cat, who has taken the alpha position in the household. If the cat is in the way, the dog won't come near him. Poor guy.
Anyhow, instead of the bar tonight, I'm looking forward to an evening of listening to Ernie Harwell broadcast Brian Moehler's return to the majors after not pitching since April 2001, and possibly setting up my new DVD player.
The other interesting news of note is that Polishstreak just called, and she and Goovie and I are going to get together in a couple of weeks for my first ever diaryland get-together. Woo-hoo!
July 4th tomorrow, a "chill" weekend coming up, and NYC all next week: life is good.
nr: Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin (home), A Patchwork Planet by Anne Tyler (going slow because I only read it at the gym... I'm loving it though), Animal Farm by George Orwell (school). And the following short stories that I've never read before: "The Life You Save May Be Your Own" (O'Connor), "Harrison Bergeron" (Vonnegut - loved it. Going to pair it with Animal Farm), and "Everyday Use" (Walker - cool story, funny).
np: A lot of Nellyville, a bit of Heather Nova's South, and a touch of Mazzy Star's So Tonight That I Might See.