Saturday, Feb. 19, 2005
declare, posted at 12:59 a.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com The house concert, with this guy, went very well. I hear him in the basement guest room now, playing and singing even after giving a two-hour concert. Many said it was the best ever; I'll say it was one of the best.I verbalized tonight something that I have been thinking for some time. It's nothing new to those accustomed to reading this often whiny journal, but it is new for the friends I told. I told them I was thinking about moving back to Michigan. Nothing major, but I said I missed it there and, while I had made good friends here, my job has gotten progressively worse (an increase in student load from 75 to 170) and I have made no commitments here. It would be nice to say I'm getting married soon, or have something to show for my time here, but I don't.
Now, I'm ready to make a more specific declaration right now to the computer screen. If April comes around next year, and I have done nothing else to better myself in the year that precedes it, I will certainly move away from here. That means, if I've done nothing that puts in roots, like buying a house, or getting a serious girlfriend. I guess that means I'll have to overcome my fear of financial shit and maybe start talking to girls on a more-than-friend basis every now and then if I want to stay in Baltimore. That's the sort of motivation I need.
April 2006. That will give me five years in Baltimore, and if I haven't accomplished anything aformentioned in that time, it's time to move on. The five years is the prerequisite for being able to cash in and move your retirement savings through the school system, so that's a motivation. So is the fact that I'd be just like the Garden State guy, returning home after seeing the world.
I like Baltimore a lot. I'm just worried about being stagnant and need to light something under my ass to get things done. Plus, gosh, I don't think I've made any new good friends in quite some time and I need to analyze why. I'm just not that fun of a guy anymore - why? Maybe I'm too closed off, too uncertain, too... something. I've got to figure it out.
Meanwhile, damn, Renee looked hot tonight. I wish I had some sort of clue how to move from here to there with her.