Friday, Dec. 10, 2004
End of a shitty week, posted at 11:40 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com It's the end of a shitty week, a week best left in the history books and not dredged up again. I went out for happy hour at Rocky Run, where my colleagues and I bemoaned the shittiness of things - the certification issues, the enormous student loads, the lackluster administration. We all felt it, and we needed to share our struggles. And drink.I've been sad this week, because this is sort of the week when I've decided that until I quit the second job or dramatically restructure my hours there, I will never move on with my life. I want a partner in life, a girlfriend, but have little desire to date right now. Whenever I have a free moment - rare, very rare - I'd rather hang out with friends or relax. It takes too much time and energy in my life right now undertake something as complicated as a new relationship and even though I'm ready, I honestly don't think I can do it unless things severely change. I had a day off on Thanksgiving, but that's been pretty much it for the last six weeks. A person cannot live like that; it's bad for the soul.
I realize I write a lot about the same damn things here. I guess I just never do much about them. Of course I work too much. Anyone who reads my life can see that. Yeah, I take home $2200 a month and have $1641 of bills a month and have to save for the summer from the excess, so I probably should have two jobs, but I have to do a better job of making the restaurant give me more time off or just quit and pinch pennies. But that's an excuse. I've either got to do something about it or stop the whining. Paralysis is one of my worst characteristics.
I went from Happy Hour to Ryan and Charity's place for a holiday get-together. That cheered me up. There were times when I was watching the crowd there when I felt like an outsider looking in, because I do feel like I live this life that is so separate from my closest friends. Living the dual existence of teacher-slash-waiter (with the completely stressed out when no one else really seems like they are) can be a lonely place, and it feels it. But as soon as I got to hold the baby and had a bit of eggnog, all felt nice and warm again, and the night was a good one.
I'm exhausted and need to get to sleep. I work a holiday tea party at the restaurant tomorrow and think I might be cajoled into reading the entire text of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to a group of old woman eating tea and crumpets. I don't know what a crumpet is and don't really want to do this, but I heard the money might be good and I work from 2-9, so at least it's an early night.