Thursday, Nov. 25, 2004
Eleven Thanksgiving thoughts. Only slightly whiny., posted at 10:08 p.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com These are thoughts that flew threw my head today as I drove down to DC, spent Thanksgiving with my high school friend Danielle, her fiance John, and about fifteen people I don't know, and then drove back home to Baltimore, all the while listening to two longlost CDs I found in my large collection today - Weezer's Pinkerton and Melissa Ferrick's 70 People at 7,000 Feet.1. Wow, I really need to get my oil changed.
2. There are way too many people here I don't know. I don't do well in these situations.
3. I am very thankful for Danielle's friendship. She's a good girl.
4. I need to make it a priority to see my friends in Baltimore more often. Call up Ryan for a beer. Rob, too. I have beers with the cute Polish Girl girl, or, as Danielle calls her, the cute fucked up, sketchy Polish girl. I need to make it a priority to see other friends.
5. I miss my mom.
6. I prefer Rivers Cuomo when he was all sad and fucked up, not the happy Rivers Cuomo of his next two albums.
7. It's sort of sad that after four Thanksgiving's in this city, that I still haven't made a Thanksgiving of my own. I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't throw a dart in a map and end up here. I like it here, basically. This is where I found my purpose, my calling, my place in the world. But it's sad that after four years, I still am coming home to a rented house with a mattress in the backyard and with no sheets to fit my bed and only a dog and a cat to greet me.
8. I worry that my desire for independence after college has worked too well, that I'm just too good at it now. I worry that there's no room for others in my life. I worry that I need upheaval for happiness. I worry that I'm finding a comfortable rut and digging in. I worry that I worry too much and should just be thankful for everything I do have - great friends, supportive family, a job I genuinely love.
9. Am I too busy so that only when I slow down do I feel lonely? There's a reason that people work five days a week for forty hours. It's because happiness, otherwise, is too difficult.
10. But I am happy, I really am. It's only when I slow down that I feel I'm not as happy as I'd like to be. Keep on moving, I guess.
11. My little sister and my dad are not speaking. She thinks it's because she's dating a black guy. I think to myself that maybe it's because she's dating a guy who makes her meet him at gas stations in the middle of the night, is 29 (she's 24) and has a 12-year old son, and has phone sex with her while she's drunk and at home and dad's outside her bedroom listening on accident because it's 3am and he's using the bathroom and dad ends up having to go driving because he's so shook up about it. But I don't say this. But it very well might be because he's black, or that they all roll together to form someone that he doesn't like even though he hasn't met him. It is conservative southwest Michigan, and that is one reason I left. Anyhow, that's how Thanksgiving is going at home. I heard it from the sister, not from the father. As it goes. Maybe it's best I'm not there at the moment. Like Mom, I'm Switzerland in these father/sister disputes, which happen often, and more than once on this issue. Anyhow, let's hope it blows over by Christmas.