2001-10-01
R.I.P. Josh, parents' visit, Jake, school stress, posted at 7:00 a.m.
Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com I just came into work from a reasonably good weekend to read an e-mail from my mentor teacher saying one of my students from last year died in a car accident on Thursday night. He was a good kid, someone who spent most of the first few weeks in my class with his head on the desk until he finally started perking up. I spent a lot of one-on-one time with him to get him caught up, and when he was switched from my class at the semester break because of his failure in math class, he still came back and visited me. He skipped school a lot and had a hard time, most of which I attributed to his older brother's death in a car accident in August, right before the school year. Now he's dead. I cannot imagine the shock and grief that his parents - who I was in close contact with throughout much of the school year over e-mail and phone calls, and seemed to really appreciate the extra time I was putting towards this troubled young guy - are now feeling after losing their second son in just over a year's time. I'm in shock. I just heard the news two minutes ago.I hope Josh is with his brother now. I know he missed him terribly.
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The weekend was pretty good. My parents showed up on Friday evening, we had dinner (homemade pizza I had made), and visited my school. I was exhausted, and so were they, so it was an early night. Jason and I watched the new Dana Delaney (who could be my Mrs. Robinson anytime) show on Friday night that I can't remember the name of but it was pretty good.
My parents and I spent all day together on Saturday, visiting the beautiful Inner Harbor area and the just-as-fun Fell's Point region. I had been to Fell's Point before, but hadn't explored it with the same vigor as I did on Saturday with my folks. It's a great area, with a college town atmosphere, tons of music/bar venues, a lot of history, some great restaurants, and "Homicide: Life on the Street" was shot there. I look forward to the first time I can party in that area with friends of mine; I still think it's weird to drink with my folks. In fact, I've never done it (a source of contention with my parents, oddly enough... but it's built up so much now that I just can't go and do it).
By the time Saturday night came around, I was exhausted. After dropping off my parents at their hotel, I drove back home. The drive really put into focus the type of stress I'm having at work. I made the determination that I'm simply not happy and I need to change some things in order to fall out of the rut. I'm perpetually behind, especially in paperwork, and simply can't stand the feeling. I'm planning things day by day instead of with the big picture in mind, I'm frustrated by the supervision and evaluation system that is in place, and I feel like the only attention I get is negative. I feel like I go from a busy day at work to a busy night at home. The level of stress I am feeling is infinitely more than I felt last year. I just don't know what's going on half of the time. For example, I have to do something with these kids who haven't passed the Maryland standardized for writing, but no one has explained to me what the test consists of nor what I should be doing with them. Progress reports are due today. I haven't graded a lot of the papers I've gotten back.
All of these thoughts of frustration were swirling through my head on the way home. When I returned, Jason was building a dresser he had bought and had spent the day alone. After some mutual bitching about things in general, we decided to drink. It was fun. Two drinks, combined with my exhaustion, made me pretty drunk. It was an early night; I watched a bit of "Saturday Night Live," up until after Weekend Update (where I got my dose of Tina Fey, even though her hair was all weird looking).
In a weird coincidence, my good friend Jake called this weekend and said he was in the area of Annapolis for a wedding this weekend and wanted to come see us. It is a coincidence because I haven't done anything with any Michigan visitors all year so far, but ended up having both my parents and Jake and his wife and kid visit in the same weekend. My parents left early Sunday morning, so Jason and I were able to spend nearly the entire day with Jake, Anne, and 2-month old Aurora. We spent a few hours at the Maryland Science Center, and it was fun - we saw an IMAX movie, which was awesome, and checked out the exhibits. We had a great time, and I think it did a good job of convincing Jake to move down to the area eventually to direct the currently non-existent Physics portion of the Museum. Anne really wants to, and I think it would be awesome if we did. It was great to see them, even though they had to leave fairly early to get back to Michigan and Jason and I both had a shitload of work to do this weekend and weren't able to start it until 5pm.
Still haven't been to the National Aquarium. Maybe on Oct. 19, when my sister comes down.
On Sunday night, Jason and I made a trip to Target to get some essentials - me some yarn for "Scarlet Letter Day," and Jason some transparencies. I went next door to PetSmart while we were there, and I spent $70 on dog stuff - a water bowl, a food bowl, dog food, dog treats, a leash, a collar, and a hair brush. I am very consciously moving forward on this whole dog thing because I'm not finding the happiness and fulfillment that I desire from work - something that is freaking me out - and I hope to get it from a dog. I'm almost sure I'm getting it Tuesday.
I realize that this isn't the best reason to get a dog, and it's not the only reason. And I fully expect school to get better, and I actually feel much less stressed out after all the work that I accomplished on Sunday night. But I'm pretty sure I'm more stressed out than I ever was last year, and it's bugging me a lot because I love teaching. And I still do enjoy teaching a lot - it's all the other crap that I am finding tough to deal with - the paperwork, the evaluations, the shitty portfolio system, etc. I'm confident things will get better, but I wish it would be quicker than it is now.
I'm beginning to understand why good teachers are chased from the profession, though.
After failing to find yarn at Target (or K-Mart, prompting me to ask, "What the hell?" and making me profoundly miss Meijer Thrifty Acres), we ended up going to JoAnn Fabrics. I found yarn there easily, and the cashier was one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She was so gorgeous that I was purposefully clumsy with my cash just for the chance to brush my fingers against the palm of her hand. I couldn't quite tell how old she was - it's sort of tough to tell how old twenty-something people are, as they could be college students who are 21 or professionals who are 27 (and there is a world of difference between those two age groups). But she was beautiful. I might have to think of more excuses to go to JoAnn Fabrics, though, even though I can't really think of any fabric-related pickup lines to use.
I'm at school now, and feel like my day is well-planned and I'm getting caught up on stuff. I'm feeling better about things. But I also know now more than ever the meaning behind the song "Working for the Weekend." It's only Monday and I already can't wait until Friday.