Epiphany in Baltimore

2000-11-03

Epiphany in Baltimore has moved to epiphanyinbaltimore.blogspot.com

Well, I had kind of a crummy day. I woke up at 5am and went to the gym for some weight training, and it went well. When I got back around 6:30, I had my usual protein shake. But I think it had some bad egg beaters in it or something, because immediately after I had it I felt horrid. All morning, I felt like crap. I contemplated not going into school, and once I got there, I contemplated going home.

My focus class went crummy. I tried to do this lesson on alienation and how Edgar Allan Poe used it a lot in his work, but I'm not sure I got through to the kids. They were loud and I definitely wasn't "on" because I felt like crap. Danielle, one of my favorite students, moved here in the first week of the school year. She was so quiet at first, but has blossomed into a very, very loud girl. She's made friends easily, and I don't think she ever gets to talk with them because she spends the whole class talking to them while I'm trying to talk. I like the kid a lot, but she drove me up the wall today. She's the kind of girl who dictates the mood of the entire classroom, and you can't challenge her at all because she will fight you loudly. I haven't gotten into that situation with her because I'm smart enough to see a temper bubbling under her and try to stay on her good side.

I've gotten by so far, I think, because I'm nice and the kids know I'm trying hard. And, I'm a nice guy. I just am. I care so much about the kids, and sometimes I think it backfires. First of all, I'm always following after them asking them to turn in work, and I'm sure I won't have the energy for that all year or when I'm focusing on more than one class. I'm worried the kids will take advantage of me, or maybe they already are and I don't realize it. I'm trying. I'm learning.

Anyhow, back to today. Danielle was so loud. The class was loud. Here we are, talking about how pretty much all of Poe's characters have a sense of loneliness and alienation, and I think it's pretty interesting. I used a fairly well known poem of his - "Alone" - and one of his least famous poems, "Eulalie." "Eulalie" is actually pretty brilliant - it starts off with the dagger-in-the-heart line, "I live alone / in a world of moan / my life a stagnant tide." Isn't that depressing? Talk about alienation!

Then, I asked the kids when they had felt alienation, and a lot of them said they never had before. Well, I said, for example, that I had moved in the 4th grade and the 9th grade, and both times I felt alienated when I first moved to the new school because I didn't know anyone. This started a few kids going, but lovely Danielle, who just moved from Detroit to this town only two months before, said she still had never felt alienated. I tried convincing her that even if she didn't realize it now, she probably did feel alienation when she moved. I commented that she was very quiet when I first met her, and now she was quite, um, talkative. She grinned, but still said she didn't feel alianated. I then told her, "Well, Danielle, you must be a truly amazing person, because I think anyone else in your situation, having to move your sophomore year of high school from the only city you'd ever lived in to a strange city, would feel a little bit alienated. How about you write about how you managed to not feel alienated, because I'd really like to know!". I tried not to be sarcastic, and I think I hid it okay, because she liked the idea and wrote for about five minutes straight. She was quiet for a bit. Woo hoo. Anyhow, I think I'm going to have to move her seat. The sensitive, thoughtful Asian girl that used to sit right in front, Neng, moved just a few days ago to a suburban school where she'll probably be better off, so now there's an open seat right in front that Danielle may be better off in.

Anyhow, I felt like crap all day, skipped my afternoon workout, and slept much of the afternoon. I just got done laughing out loud through episodes of "The Simpsons" (taped from Wednesday), "Friends" (not the best episode, but a few laughs), and "Will & Grace" (not the best-written show in the world, but the performers in this sitcom are marvelous. The older woman with the whiny voice cracks me up with almost every line she says).

I'm tired. Going to bed soon.